mini-VAN Nguyen's Big Multisex Bathroom Boat Ride

April 23, 2007

Well, the self-aggrandizing elections are over, and while it's not very appetizing to have that nutjob Van "Nancy Pelosi with a Penelosi" Nguyen in the Presidency, at least he's not in control of anything important. The federal government deals in trillions, so thank God Mr. "Transvestite Bathrooms" deals only in millions, although that's still millions too much. I wonder how he plans to miraculously override Proposition 209 and subvert state law.

But enough about that male feminazi. I'll outline some of my personal observations on the election:

BCR Success
This is excellent. Not only do I think this candidate will do an excellent job, but it flusters the ultra-left elitists who think they can go unchecked in the Senate.

DAAP Loss
Finally people wised up to shunning candidates that selfishly pump their personal agendas out their bloated blowholes. Dmitri Garcia and his little clan are so grossly self-serving. He's like the Latino Al Sharpton/Jesse Jackson, except much less entertaining.

Phallic Composition in the Senate
Does anyone find it funny that four people (or 20%) in the Senate have phallic sounding names.
~ Dong
~ Weiner
~ Wong
~ Urena*

*either referencing urine or urethra

If I really wanted to stretch it, I could do at least three more. If we count rhyming names, I can find at least four of the female anatomy.

TGIF: Too Gay Initiative Fund
Oh God, you have got to be kidding. What's wrong with you people? How can you vote to put an extra $5 per student into the hands of a bunch of radical environmentalists who think that "waterless urinals" are "sexy"? You people are so stupid. As a result of getting roped into "green guilt" propaganda, you're throwing $200,000 bucks away to Berkeley students who have not even vaguely outlined where this exorbitant amount is to be spent.

This is the result of a bunch of arrogant elitist Berkeley students who want to massage their inflated egos by wasting others money in delusional inventions that make them feel they are important.

I'm sure Student Action will find some way to divert a percentage of these funds to fight off a lawsuit anyway.

My Struggle in Voting for President: "Whiny" Student Action vs. "My Hippie Volkswagen" Van Nguyen
I found myself extremely disappointed with The Cal Patriot's endorsement of nutty CalServe candidates for Executive Slates. Out of sheer principle, they should have figured out something else or abstained. Really gross.

I of course voted for neither, but if I had to choose, I think I'd edge it out for Ivanka Napkin. Unfortunately, she's the spawn of Oren Gabriel, the biggest douche bag on the planet, who oddly enough brought his hippie looking parents out to campaign for Miss Napkin (thinking that somehow UC students would be fans of monarchism and royal SA blood). Besides being a dense, stupid, over-indulgent drunk boob, Oren GAYbriel actually hired a real legal firm over a lame unimportant office of self-aggrandizing child's play. Next year, Oren Gabrielle can find a different type of gay bar in which to pop his collar.

Student Action, which should really be named "Students With Egos Bigger Than Oprah's Ass", is so incredibly delusional about its importance. If they really wanted to lower our student fees, they would just cease to exist.

Anyway, so why Ivanka? Well, she's actually labeled a "moderate" on her Facebook profile, and doesn't seem to personally advocate nutty things like most of the other candidates. I like that. She's also kind of hot, and in an office that doesn't matter, I don't want to be looking at mini-VAN Nguyen all year. I wonder if he has a brother named short-BUS Nguyen? If not, we know he has at least taken a ride on one.

As is no surprise for the loopy CalServe candidates, miniVAN Nguyen is a rather sterile commonplace formulation of your average ultra-left nutbag. He demands we think outside of the racial binary, as he feels he is a "white hippie" trapped in an Asian body. I can't wait to see what type of stunts he pulls next year. In fact, voting for him might have been worth the value of watching him try to carry out his laughable policies. I'd chain him to a tree and throw away the key, forcing him to cut down the tree if he wanted to be released. He'd probably write a sob email out to all of us about his crying green tears.

Anyway, For a school that bitches about diversity 24/7, I'm wondering why it chose to elect a rather strongly un-diverse composition in Student Government. Oh well.

I voted for the gay guy whose building the gay fraternity. It would have been a bubbly entertaining event if they tried to disqualify him and controversies of "homophobia" ensued against the most "tolerant" student body in the world. I also was hoping he would institute a big gay boat ride in lieu of the 51.