I Think Gays Should Be Republicans

I love gay people. That's why I think they should be Republicans.

Gays have "fabulous" taste in clothes. Gays have "spectacular" taste in cars, save for the Mazda Miata. Gays shine at a party with their "fabulous" sense of humor and bubbly personalities. In fact, gays are actually becoming the new straight people - with masculine haircuts and a new focus on buffness, they make their liberal straight counterparts look gay.

But for some odd reason, gays by and large are sucked up in the strange world of whiny liberal secular-progressivism (SP). Democrats have recruited gays into a party that does absolutely nothing for them.

I honestly think that Democrats are secretly more "pro-gay marriage" than Republicans are, but with the Catholics and Hispanics swinging toward their side, Democrats are willing to sell out the gays. So in essence, assuming that the new face of the Republican Party is the relatively socially libertarian Rudolph Giuliani, gays are not going to find anyone in either party that's going to allow them to be pushed into the death trap of marriage where they're likely to get divorced and physically abuse each other - it'll be pretty even on the other gay issues.

Instead of whining about a petty antiquated little piece of paper that gays think is somehow required for them to actually love each other, why don't they focus on policies that boost the quality of their everyday lives and share their values on helping gays throughout the rest of the world. Let me explain:

The War on Terror
It is no secret that liberals are overly sympathetic to radical Middle East governments. Whether it's Saddam that killed hundreds of thousands of people (many his own) or the wildly Islamofascist governments in Iran, Afghanistan, or what not, liberals do not see it pertinent to do anything about these nutcases who stand in the way of democracy and freedom.

Ironically, these same governments and radical fringe groups in the middle east are the ones that claim homosexuality doesn't exist and hang/execute people who participate in homosexual acts (Bill Richardson is one for two on the above). Despite the only complaint about gays by the Republican Party being the signing of a marriage bill, gays still talk about President Bush as being considerably more heinous than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, whose government has executed people committing gay acts, most recently by hanging. If you'll recall, President Bush had a warm and lovely conversation recently with America's most lovable lesbian, Ellen De Generes.

Taxes
So apparently gays have a much higher income than the average straights, especially in a two person gay household vs. two person straight household. Why do they want Democrats and redistributionist liberals taxing the shit out of them so they won't have enough money left over for their big gay cruise to St. Croix or that precious Mazda Miata? Let's face it - gays are by and large self-absorbed, superficial, and money-grubbing...like me. If they understood what Democrats really wanted to do with their hard earned money, they would have a huge fright.

Crimes
Republicans punish criminals and put them away. Democrats want their ridiculous touchy-feely rehabilitation, which as any rational person knows, means they are going to exit jail and orchestrate another gay bashing as they would have otherwise. With so called "hate crimes", or crimes, against gays on the upswing, gays should be concerned about liberals' excessive coddling and defending criminals instead of victims. I certainly wish liberals were as concerned with the four Asian victims of Tookie Williams than they were with that monster himself - perhaps it was a case of affirmative action.